Musings of an unconventional LDS housewife
If you can't beat 'em, guide 'em.
Published on October 9, 2008 By AngelaMarie88 In Marriage

Back to the dawn of human existence...Before men started peeing on toilet seats, they were probably mis-aiming at a hole in the ground.

I've decided that it's not entirely the man's fault that he pees on toilet seats. I think his equipment is much to blame. In potty training my little boy, I learned that it takes a second for the arc to reach its peak and for the stream to reach its destination. In the meantime the potty rim gets piddled on.

I also remember some banter between ParaTed2k &  BluDev where I learned that it's physiologically necessary for a man to stand in order to empty his bladder. Therefore, sitting down is not a viable solution to the peeing-on-the-seat problem.

I further concede that in that urgent moment before they relieve their bladders, the last thing that enters their minds is to lift the toilet lid for someone else's later convenience. I can empathize with that.

So I've decided, as a woman who prefers to find a dry toilet seat in my own moments of urgency, that when I'm done with my business, I'll go unpainfully out of my way to raise the seat. That way when one of the boys rushes to the toilet, they can do their thing without having to lift the rim (although they wouldn't have done it anyway), and better yet, without having any opportunity to pee on the seat at all. Believe me when I say it's horribly annoying, disgusting, and inconvenient to arrive at the toilet in a hurry, only to discover I have to clean the toilet before I sit on it, meanwhile running the risk of wetting myself. You know, when ya really gotta go, and being so close but so far away from the toilet makes those last few seconds nearly unbearable.

In short, instead of whining about piddles on the seat, I'll just lift the lid for them. If I can remember to do that. Then I'll have the liberty of cleaning up their thoughtless messes under the seat at my own convenience.

But can't you already see my boys retaliating in advance by rushing around the house to put all the toilet lids back down just to miff me? I am so easily miffed. Maybe they get some sort of sick entertainment out of it.

Now if only we could get one of those automatic flushers...

And a maid...

And a guy to stand outside the bathroom to remind them to wash their hands, offering them a warm, dry towel upon exiting the bathroom.


Comments
on Oct 09, 2008

I just want to say - for the record - I'm an excellent shot.  It's just another video game to me.  Pee in toilet without hitting seat.  AND...I do it with the seat down.  *bow*

 

Oh, and btw sitting down is not a physiological problem for me, and any guy that says it is is lieing.  Ask him when he pees after he poops, does he wipe then stand up to do it?  The answer is "no."

on Oct 09, 2008

Yay, a comment! I was becoming embarrassed that I wrote this.

 

sitting down is not a physiological problem for me
All right, then men are still a mystery to me.

 

Ask him when he pees after he poops, does he wipe then stand up to do it? The answer is "no."
Interesting, but do I really wanna go there in a conversation with my husband right now? 

 

OK, I'm still embarrassed. But don't you love the ads that appear around this topic? Who knew there were such fascinating inventions like indoor composting toilets? And toilets just for girls? Huh?

on Oct 10, 2008

I actually do lift the seat...always.  However, I never put it back down...sorry about that, ladies...but at least I don't leave a mess.

...just a water hazard.

~Zoo

on Oct 17, 2008

I hate it when I walk into a public stall and there's urine all over the toilet seat when I'm about to sit down. For that reason alone, if I'm peeing into a toilet, it's with the seat up.

 

And yes, if I'm at home I put the seat back down before I walk away.

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